i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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