Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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