i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
