No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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