I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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