Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this just has baby written all over it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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