Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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