when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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