so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
