so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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