Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
