I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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