apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
