Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
