Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
