my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
