But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize