glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
