I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
