I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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