I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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