Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
