3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She said her name was "party"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
