OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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