Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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