dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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