as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
