Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
