whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
