trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
