this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
