She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want to fling myself into the sun
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
