I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
