I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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