Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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