Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
