Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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