hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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