ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
