I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ok first of all what the fuck
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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