Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
