Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
