mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
