So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
