I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize