I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
