how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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