DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
