It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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