Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Randomize
