Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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