If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i love accidental penises.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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