Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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