is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.