Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head