one might say we're banned from that church
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon