let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.