so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes