My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
