I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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