Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
