ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
