Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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