return my video game
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
