Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
