My hand turned me down
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
