Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
