Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
