Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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