I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
