Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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