just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
