I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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