Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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