i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
