I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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