her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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