this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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